Lost Things (day50)

Tinkerbell loses this treasure and embarks on a search to find it,  a journey which ends up leading to her finding a best friend Terence, and inevitably, finding herself. Beautiful. (and  yes, she finds the treasure too)

I never realized just how much your life can change in fifty days. It is everything you would think, and more- exciting, terrifying, challenging, rewarding, and wonderful. I wouldn't have it any other way.

And I have to give myself some credit- I did make it fifty days without dying, without any emergencies, wrecks, disasters, without getting too lost...which brings me to-

Mulan show week

 I lost my checkbook. After carrying that thing around for more than six years, it's gone. And I will have a hard time accepting that for awhile.

I became the dress form for the kid's sizes

I'm not sure why, but not much gets to me so much as losing something. It's extremely difficult for me to let it go, I obsess over it and kick myself too much for it to be healthy (one time when I was younger I lost an important cd to me and I remember crying for several nights in a row because I was THAT upset.. so I'm a little better about these things now). And yes yes, I am retracing my steps, ripping through all of my stuff, and checking every space possible. But it looks like I'll be calling the bank tomorrow and dealing with all of that fun stuff... Did I mention my checks have beautiful sunflowers on them? Yes, well, those too are gone.

 The plus side? Well I can say that at least this happened on the weekend, which means that if some random person does have access to my account, the bank isn't open to clear those checks. So it looks like I'll at least close it before that happens. And believe you me, the second I close the account is probably two seconds before I see my checkbook, laying right in front of me in my apartment. Sigh.

"All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on." -Henry Ellis

Perhaps if we never lose things, then there's no room for us to discover new things, to gain the new. If you want to travel the world, then you have to learn to fit your home in a car or maybe just in a suitcase. Sometimes you don't even get that much room. 

Some journeys you must travel alone. 
 Sometimes we lose friendships or relationships so that we can find the people who are meant to be there.
Sometimes we lose part of our identity so that we can discover a part of us we didn't know was there before, a part that is even more brilliant, more glowing, more passionate than before.  

So when you do lose something, it's okay to grieve it. It's okay to be upset, to embrace every emotion that we feel. But it's also okay to realize that with each lost item, there comes a found item for the future.

Think of Tinkerbell! (come on, you KNEW I was going to pull her in sooner or later). In case you didn't know, Tinkerbell is a tinker fairy, and tinker fairies love searching for Lost Things (aka any random items that humans left behind or lost). Tinker fairies create new things out of those lost items. And sometimes, they even fix them and then put them back in hopes that the human will find it again. 
I truly believe that..
What's meant to be yours will always have a way of finding you again
Whether it be sunglasses, your cat, a friend, a job, your passion, your thirst for life, a soulmate, your keychain (I lost my keychain one January only to magically find it in a parking lot at OSU that April. And the flashlight still worked.)  Or your checkbook.

Maybe it won't be found in the way you thought or hoped. And it probably won't be in your timing.
But believe that it will happen.
...Maybe you'll find even happier checks.
Because when we lose something, then there's always something else to be gained. This is how we grow.
And that is definitely always better.


  "The greatest treasures are not gold, nor jewels, nor works of art. They cannot be held in your hands. They're held within your heart. For worldly things will fade away as seasons come and go. But the treasure of true friendship will never lose its glow."
- Tinkerbell and the Lost Treasure 

Life in Seattle: Control(45)

Hello Seattle

 I just finished day one of opening and closing the shop in the market completely by myself! My bosses didn't even stop by the shop once all day, I was surprised. And I've gotta say, it was fun. I love this job, I even met some people from good old Tulsa, Oklahoma today- they are loving Seattle and definitely not missing OK's weather right now (and not looking forward to the flight back). It was like a piece of home all over again- there's something comforting in talking to someone who understands and knows where you come from...

My running view

Anyway, it was a very long day (but good) and I was so excited and ready to just catch a bus and go home. I was walking up to my bus stop, when a song in my ipod blasted through my ears and changed everything. The words were,

I need to feel

It made everything in me stop walking and say WAIT.
How have I already let myself become so controlled by my work schedule so that I get to my bus stop and go home as soon as I get off of work? Have I already become so numb to the city around me? Why am I in such a hurry to go home? So I can what, clean my kitchen sooner? Organize my apartment more? (Although these things are nice and important too).

 I wanted to feel. I needed to feel. Something, anything.

My running view

 I needed to remember to open my eyes.
So I turned around, walked away from the bus stop, and went wherever I felt like walking. I ended up with an icecream and sitting down on the pier and watching and listening to the ocean, listening to myself. It was wonderful. And well worth not getting home until later. It made me think...

Costume shop madness

 Control

1. Take it
What are you waiting for? You are the only thing keeping you from your best version of you, your dreams, your success. Change your life, go running, be healthy, stop the bad habits,  start new good habits, do the things you wish you did but never find the time for. It's not about what difficulties or troubles life's put you through or not.. it's about what you do despite that, what you do because of that. Life doesn't always give you lemons. Sometimes, life doesn't give you anything at all.

View from the pier

But why in the world are we waiting around for life to hand us something in the first place? Go out there and just do it. Pack your bags and head out to your dream city. Overcome the challenges. There will always be people telling you what you should do, there will always be that voice of doubt in your head questioning every move. Take control and you'll see that you are the one that makes life happen- then you can be the one to decide whether your life has lemons, or grapes, or strawberries, or something completely different. You can keep eating whatever life happens to grow around you, or you can start a garden and grow your own world and fill it with anything you want.




2. Let it go
 Do something random, do something that won't necessarily accomplish anything specific. Watch that movie, get the icecream, sit down and watch the ocean, listen to yourself, tell her how you really feel, hop on that motorcycle and just ride somewhere, buy him that sweater, wear the red dress- who cares if there's a special occasion or not? Every moment can be a special occasion if we let it.
Why are we always so afraid to move before we analyze everything? Perhaps some things aren't meant to be analyzed. You don't have to choose between having your cake and eating it too- just keep on baking cakes. Who says you ever have to stop? Life is supposed to be fun and enjoyable. So just let it be, whatever that is, without trying to shape and mold every second of it. I find that the most peace, the happiest moments, the greatest memories I ever have, are almost always coming from moments that were spontaneous, that were unplanned, moments I had no idea were going to happen before they did.

But they can only happen when you keep your eyes open, when you allow yourself the need to feel.




"I tried to tell you before I left
But I was screaming under my breath
(You are the only thing that makes sense)
Just ignore all this present tense

We need to feel...
breathless with love"

- Snow Patrol

Seattle monkey

Life in Seattle: Hope(day38-41)

We both have a love for icecream

HOPE (def.) :
- the belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one's life

 -a feeling of desire for something and confidence in the possibility of its fulfillment 

- to wish



It's been more than a month since I moved here, and between my two jobs I've been working a LOT. I'm more than 2,000 miles away from my family, my friends, and all the people I hold dear to my heart and all those people that help me get through the ups and downs of life....


So it's only natural that I was starting to feel a little down and tired. 
Don't get me wrong, I do not have any doubts about moving here and I'm just as happy as can be in this city (and this weather!) but sometimes you just wanna go where everybody (or even just a somebody) knows your name (yes yes, cue a montage of Cheers).


Sometimes, we just need a little extra dose of something to give us more hope. 
This week's dose of hope came in the form of an awesome person named Alicia.

 Alicia and I met a couple of years ago through a fiction writing class at OSU. We became writing/editing partners and friends for life thanks to that class. What I didn't realize at the time was that she is from Seattle, and what neither one of us realized at the time is that I would be moving there in a couple of years! Mysterious, how life works sometimes, eh?

Seeing her was a breath of much needed hope for me right now, and I couldn't be more thankful for the time we got to spend together. We also realized that we saw each other exactly a year ago to the day in Seattle last summer (both times during an event called the Bite of Seattle). Amazing to see how much our lives have changed in this year.

1. It's okay to need a little something or someone to inspire and refuel your hope.
In fact, I think that's the point. We are here to help keep each other going.
I find hope in a beautiful rainy day, in a cup of coffee, in the Starbucks workers who remember my name (NEVER underestimate the power of remembering someone's name). I feel hope in a sentimental song that randomly shuffles through my ipod, in a piece of mail, in a special voicemail left for me while I'm at work, in a phone date with my Mom. Sometimes hope is in flashing lights and mountains that make us jump with belief in ourselves. Sometimes hope is the peace in our hearts, that tiny tiny voice saying, "yes." And sometimes hope is seeing a friend again, eating sushi and icecream, and just walking around the city and talking about life.

You're awesome Alicia

 2. "Whatever you do in life will be insignificant, but it's very important that you do it." (-Gandhi)

I agree with this from the viewpoint that because of whatever we do, there is significance within that.
Like that fiction class I took at OSU. It was insignificant. In the bigger picture of life, it was just a class. But I felt like I needed to take it, and so I took it. That has made all the difference. I took away so many great memories from that class, a higher level of writing skills (or at least I like to pretend) and I met Alicia. These things have all added to the person I am today, and the journey that took me to here, and wherever I might go in the future. There is nothing insignificant about that.

So just when you think things like "Who am I? I'm just a stay-at-home mom. I'm just a teacher. I'm just a student...A barista at Starbucks. An artist. A sales associate....."
Think again. Because while all of these things perhaps are "insignificant" in the huge picture of life, you are important. And even if you never discover the cure for cancer or AIDS or become President or fly to the moon, so what?
You are a star. You are the parent to the world changer, the person who makes coffee that jump starts the day of the person who cures cancer. The artist who inspires the next President, the next CEO, the next anything.
You are the next anything. And whatever you decide to do changes the immediate world around you. Superficially significant or not, by all means, is insignificant to the fact that you should do what you have been called to do, whatever that is, no matter the cost. Doing this- fighting for your dreams, maintaining hope and love in the face of discouragement or disaster is quite possibly the most significant thing we could ever do and very important that we do it.

Even five minutes to sit down on my couch gives me hope

It is not our abilities that show what we truly are. It is our choices. 
- Albus Dumbledore

Life in Seattle: Q&A(day35-37)

 Things have definitely kicked off! We are in the middle of tech week for Wind in the Willows, many different show fittings from Mulan to Jungalbook to The Hobbit, and lots and lots of alterations for all of them (think adult sized clothes needing to fit super tiny 12 year olds).

Sewing

SCT stage/ summer kid's set

Sewing!

 It's so much fun to see all of the differences between two states- like today in the theatre I got to tell everyone about Sonic and tornadoes while they told me all about good Asian food, like pho, and what earthquakes are like.

I get asked a lot of questions from everyone like strangers to my friends and family about my move here, my thoughts on the move, and what things are like back home (or here in Seattle) so I thought I'd do a little Question and Answers session with some of the things I get asked most frequently. But first- pictures!

SCT intern friends

So much mail = happiness

Cute mini shopping carts

OBSESSED with peanut butter- especially this kind

The many faces of blogging, according to my computer

 Q&A- most asked questions

1. How do you like Seattle and the weather?
So far, I love it! The weather is absolutely spectacular, and I love the rain and the grey skies. I don't miss the heat and humidity of Oklahoma at all, and am discovering that I was meant to be a cold weather type of person. The people are nice and there is an endless amount of things to explore, discover, and eat here.

 2. How do you like your job so far?
Again, so far, I love it! I am absolutely adoring being at the children's theatre, and all of the people I work for are so amazing, talented, passion, kind, and wonderful in their work and to each other. I am amazed. They've also been super patient with all of the million questions I ask about everything, so that's nice. What they do is truly magical, and I love being a part of it, no matter how small. I also love my other job, working in the market. Again, my boss is wonderful to me and it's astonishing to see how many different cultures and people from so many different countries come to Seattle for vacation or events. I've only been here a month and I feel like I've met more diverse people in this month than I have in my entire life.

3. You moved all the way from Oklahoma to Washington without knowing ANYONE here? Are you crazy?
 Absolutely.

 4. Do you miss home? Are you getting homesick?
Yes, I definitely miss home because of the people there. I miss my family and my friends so much and think about them constantly. My parents mean everything to me and there's nothing better than just being home, sitting around the living room with all the craziness that five kids bring to a house and having a cup of tea with my mom, or listening to my dad talk about one of the many things he gets passionate over. I miss being goofy with my sisters, and I miss the witty comebacks my brothers always throw around. If feeling this way means I am homesick, then yes, I will always be homesick for them.

5. What do you want to do next?
 Everything. (See previous blog post)

6. What are you most nervous about in Seattle?
Haha. Hmm so many things! Driving is pretty awful here. The streets are crazy and go from one way to three way to two way to super steep hills to blocked roads and more in the span of 100 feet. You really have to pay attention to what's going on, especially if you're not used to it like me. It's kind of a stressful ordeal, so I do my best to avoid driving here overall (I've only started my car maybe twice in the past month). I use buses instead! Which brings me to...
I am most nervous about leaving something on the bus. Think about it- you get off the bus, it's still in the seat- bam the bus is gone and there's no way you're going to catch it or that someone won't steal whatever you left behind. I double and triple check my things every time before I get off the bus.

7. Do you miss anything about Oklahoma?
Hmm besides the people, not much. I miss my piano and all the books I left behind so so much that it hurts. I miss seeing lightning bugs and horses everywhere. I do miss the calm roads whenever I drive here (but that's not much). I miss Sonic ice more than you can imagine, and also iced tea- no one seems to have it like you can find everywhere in the South. And if you have taken the time to read this, then chances are, I miss you too.

8. Do you think you'll stay in Seattle for awhile?
Who knows? I wouldn't have believed you if you'd told me a year ago that I would be living here now. Life is an unread book, an unchartered road, an unmapped adventure, a big unknown question (and some answers). I don't know where I'll be six months from now, one year from now, five years from now. And that's just excellent with me- I wouldn't have it any other way. I definitely love Seattle enough to make it my home, and it does offer the kind of things I need for what I love to do- so yes, it's a big possibility. But then again, when you're mind is open and your heart is adventurous- everything is a possibility.

Please keep up lots of questions- I'll answer them, perhaps even in another post sometime. :)

"Not all who wander are lost" - Tolkien

Life in Seattle: Papayas and Paint (day31-34)

If I'm in danger of spending too much, it's on Seattle's delicious fruit

 ~Greetings from Seattle~

The weather is GORGEOUS here (sorry Oklahoma people, you really should just move) and I am definitely feeling more settled in and becoming more adventurous with discovering the town on my own. Okay, so I miss my family and friends, but I don't doubt for one second that I'm supposed to be here. It's like part of me comes alive just by living and breathing this air.

 My wonderful boss (from my job in Pike's Place) is truly a gift from God. She has so much culture to offer (she and her husband are from China and have lived all over the world) and I couldn't ask for a more loving couple to work for. She "accidentally" bought an extra papaya when shopping one day, and gave it to me at work, thanking me for "taking it off her hands." Ah my dear, how much I'd bet that buying it wasn't an accident... She does little things like this once in awhile, and it completely makes my day. She always asks me how I am doing, if I am liking Seattle so far, and if I'm making friends. Of course she doesn't realize that she IS my best friend in Seattle right now. So we'll make that....

1. Never stop doing little things for people. Buy a papaya for someone you work with, pay for the customer behind you in the coffee shop, mail your friend a hand written letter, send little bits of love to the people around you. After all, you never know- that person could be a girl who just moved across the country to a town without any family or friends there, it could be someone who needed that letter to get her through the day, someone who found hope and love in a box of tinkerbell sandwich bags.

Thanks, Faith

Perhaps the little things are not such little things at all. Perhaps they leave ripples that reach out much further than we imagined.

 I also got to paint faces this weekend as a mini job. It was a ton of fun and it reminded me how much I love to paint. What's funny is that the more I painted kids' faces and hands and arms, more adults started lining up to get painted too! Someone even asked if I had a business card- Ha! Guess we'll call that a success.

Painting makes me happy

 Afterwards, I walked through the market to do some fruit shopping. Several of the vendors commented on my paint hands, and called me a painter. Although I don't consider myself awesome and professional enough to be a painter, I didn't stop them. After all, I love to paint. I just spent part of my day painting for work and money. And I will take any opportunity to paint that I can. And I believe that brings me to....


2. We can be anything we want to be, and more
Who says we have to be defined by one thing? I'm always a little uncertain how to answer people asking me what I do, or who I am. I'm so much more. We all are.
I am what I am, who I choose to be, and anything I try. To what level or extent or how good I am at any of those things is irrelevant, because those things are all perspective and relative, and differ from every single person's opinion.

It also stains your hands

I am a daughter, a sister, a friend, a girlfriend, a niece, a grand-daughter a teacher, a student, an actor, a writer, a painter, a costumer, a dresser, a sales associate, a reader, a musician, a runner, a thinker, a worrier, a cook, a peanut butter/chocolate/fruit connoisseur, an adult, a kid, a believer, a lover of life. I am less than these, and more than these
I am an artist. 

I could never just choose one to be defined as, to be. So I won't. And neither should you. 

And what do I want to be when I grow up? (Although you should know, I'll never completely grow up)

- Happy.

 So to answer those questions- who are you? What do you do? I think I shall say,  "I live."

I hope you have a great start to your week, and that you are being anything you wish and living- because that's what life is all about.

"Ask not what the world needs or who you need to be, but what makes you come alive. Because what the world (and you) needs are people who have come alive."

Painting for HAIR

Some of my work as charge artist for the last show I worked on

Life in Seattle: Seam Rippers (day27-30)

My very own pair of left-handed fabric scissors! So pretty

 Ah yes, it was a day. A seam ripper kind of a day...


One project I'm working on at SCT involves sewing panels for the Mulan show. They are about 10' by 25' each, with six of them to finish. The material is a beast, there's a lot of it, I'm sewing on an industrial machine  (very cool, but very foreign to me), and my deadline is Friday. Yikes. As a perfectionist, I have a hard time making something and thinking it looks okay. Add that to all of these new elements, and well, I'm in for a whole lotta seam ripping. (In case ya didn't already know, a seam ripper tool's job is to rip out what you've sewn so you can re-do it).


Sigh.. That was basically my morning. Sewing, then ripping it out, then trying again, then ripping part of it out, slowly but surely making some progress... I think... It sure didn't feel like it.

Bus stop artwork

Bus stop happiness

Isn't that how life feels sometimes? You feel like you've figured something out, then life throws on more questions, so then you feel like you have to take two steps backwards and start over again. And it can be frustrating. It also gives many headaches. A part of you just wants to throw the fabric out the window and say, no more. Done.


Today I was definitely feeling that. Just wanting to be done. With those panels, and with stressing about the future. I mean, sure, I have this amazing, incredible job now, but come September, I'll have to find something new. And that's all too easy to worry about... like.. How will I find one? Will I be happy with it? Will I make enough money? Will I be successful? the questions are brutal and endless, no matter what stage of life we're in. There's always some transition going on. So methinks that...


1. It's okay to take a break sometimes. In fact, it's great. Sometimes we need a refresher, a breather, a chance to distract our eyes and minds from the stress and intense focus and rest. So that then we can...


2. Get right back to it and sew that thing. And own it. Dominate it. Because if the hard questions throw you off, that's not losing. But if you give up, well, that is losing. It's forfeiting your chance to do something great. And that's too unfortunate, because boy can you ever do something great.

Rabbit ears for Wind in the Willows at SCT

 I think perhaps the difference between the astonishing and the mediocre, the happy and the just okay is the fact that the astonishing happy people don't give up. They take some breaks, life frazzles them sometimes, and okay sure they might have to rip up some seams every now and then. But that doesn't stop them from sewing, again and again.


Here's to you, for not giving up. And here's to me (for hopefully decently finishing those panels. On time).


And yes, I'm going to steal a quote I saw from one of my friends. Ready?

"Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt."

Gorgeous day here

Life in Seattle: Home (day23-26)

One of my favorite places

 Well... It is both awesome and weird to say that tomorrow morning marks one month since I packed up my car and left Oklahoma.

Seattle is beginning to feel like home, and I know that it will continue to more and more each day. Already I'm noticing that I'm not as nervous about taking buses everyday- in fact, I look forward to it now- and I've even had a couple of people ask me for directions around town (not that I could really help them at all...but if they asked me it means I at least kind of look like I know what I'm doing, right?).

Beignets.  Ohhhhh you haven't lived if you haven't had them

The other day while at work, someone asked me where my home was. And without even thinking about it I answered, Queen Anne. I didn't say, Oklahoma, Stillwater, or even Coweta. I said my home was here.

Home.
It's such an interesting phrase. It got me thinking...

 1. Home is perspective. It's relative. Where your heart is, where the ones you love are, where your car parks or your pillow and blankets (and teddy bear) sleep at night or where your clothes, books, and music sit while you're at work.

2. We have more than one home. In fact, I think we have several. And that's fabulous. Because then we can travel the world and feel like we're still at home. Home is when I'm at my parent's house, playing with my younger sisters, cooking dinner with my mom, listening to my brother's play music, and watching the dogs bark at nothing. Home is when I'm with my friends, listening to their awesome stories, complaining and venting about school and such, or just simply being with them. Home is whenever I plug my earbuds in and start my happiness playlist. Home is every theatre I performed in, spending countless of hours rehearsing in that space and making it my own each time. Home is my favorite restaurant, coffee shop, clothes store, or even the gas station I used continuously since I was 16. Home is everywhere.

3. You don't have to leave home behind. It's in your heart everywhere you go. All of that love, encouragement, belief, and prayers that others send your way go with you to the ends of your journey and then back again.

4. Home is you. So take yourself on a date. Spend some quiet time alone. You'll be surprised to realize how much you can learn about yourself in those moments. And I think when we feel connected to ourselves, it gives us peace, and after all, that's what the feeling of home is. Peace.

Besides, you'll probably learn that you're a pretty darn rowdy person to date. I took myself out to one of my favorite places so far in Seattle, 35th Street Bistro, and ate some delicious beignets (I had been dreaming about them for weeks). I see no reason why we can't take ourselves out on a date every so often.




 Okay fun explanation for this picture. So as I ventured through downtown and Fremont, there was this red, blood-like liquid scattered throughout the town's streets and walls... which definitely disturbed me.. and tons of people were walking around town in ripped up Thriller style clothes, hair, and make-up. And they wouldn't really talk to people. Turns out it was some kind of town festival like game or adventure or something (I never did find out). But I believe that it was some sort of scavenger hunt or game. They even walked and talked like zombies. This picture is to prove to you that I'm not making this up.

Alana's pretty awesome (and I can blame her for everything I mess up)

It was a lot of material

Alana and I are working on some panels for SCT's summer set. They're huge! We're having a blast and I can't wait for all of our adventures at SCT together.














I'll follow you into the park, through the jungle, through the dark
I never loved one like you
Ah Home
Let me come home
Home is wherever I'm with you

-Edward Sharpe and The Magnetic Zeros