Umbrellas (ellas ellas eh?)

 She wasn't where she had been.
She wasn't where she was going.
but she was on her way.

One day in college I had a huge semester group project for a class. It was a LOT of work, and I wondered how we could get everything done when deadlines were so hectic (oh the planner that is me). One guy in my group (definitely a class clown) simply looked at me, shrugged, slipped into a half-smirk and said, "Well Amber when it rains it pours."

He was so comical with that cliche phrase, but I took it to heart. And still say it to myself nowadays, touched by his calm nature in the thick of chaos.

SCT's Harold and the Purple Crayon world premiere 

It has most definitely been pouring in my world for the last couple of months (pun intended). It's hard to not be overwhelmed, to feel nervous or frustrated or upset or afraid or... [insert every other emotion]. It feels like I'm about to be swept away any second, overcome and washed away, or maybe just soaked to the bone stuck in the same spot without a single ability to change that. I'm not going to pretend that I have any of the answers or secrets to any of it. It's just life.

Ohhh but you should... Dance in the rain! Sing in the rain! and blahblahblah Sure.


But sometimes we do need an umbrella.
Sometimes just to keep breathing is everything.
Sometimes it is about hanging on.

Nothing more and nothing less. Why do we belittle that notion? The idea that if we're not living something deeper than the act of hanging in there we're not living at all? (which yes, I agree with to a degree). But I also believe that to go through the motions is not to be frowned upon. To hang on during the storm is an accomplishment.

Someone marveled today at what I've done- moving across the country by myself to a state with no established family or friends. With just me, my car, and whatever fit inside. She called me one of the bravest, strongest souls she had ever met. I told her one of my deep secrets- that I don't feel brave or strong in the slightest. I never have. And she said
and that's exactly why you are the bravest soul. 

 I know that the rain is harsh. It is cold, it is wet, it slaps you in the face and destroys every ounce of control you thought you had over your hair.
I know that the rain is beautiful. It makes things grow. It provides life. It washes away the bad, and what's left standing at the end of the day is whoever you are. So hang in there. Buy an umbrella. Even if it's a cheap $5 black one you never envisioned having. There will be a more beautiful umbrella down the road. And by that point you might not even feel so desperate for one at all.

 And for all those times I don't have an umbrella with me? Thanks for letting me stand under yours. I only hope I can repay your kindness.

The best thing one can do when it's raining is to let it rain.
-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow




These fancy things, will never come in between
You're part of my entity, here for Infinity
When the war has took it's part
When the world has dealt it's cards
If the hand is hard, together we'll mend your heart
When the sun shines, we'll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be a friend
Took an oath I'll stick it out till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella 
- Rihanna