Amberlee's Adventuring: Only for Now

Trekkie Monster!

Summer season is wrapping up at the Seattle Children's Theatre, and I couldn't feel more blessed and inspired from my time there. It's continued to stun me every time people describe me here- They use words like adventurous, brave, strong, free-spirited... A part of me always laughs thinking that's not possible. Those are words I would've never even considered using to describe myself.
If only they knew how I felt, if they knew how much I worry about things, if they knew how much I overthink and analyze everything.

But I have a different opinion now. I've changed since I moved here. I am changing. I will continue to change. And perhaps, despite all of the changing (and perhaps because of it), I'm seeing parts of me clearly for the first time in my life.

Purpose box

I'm beginning to believe that words like adventurous, brave, strong, free-spirited, have nothing to do with how we feel. Because really, at the end of the day, we all feel- happy, sad, confident, worried, confused, uncertain.... But what makes the difference is how we are despite (and because) of these emotions. What we choose to do anyway. The decision that something is more important than fear, worry, stress, failing.

Before I moved, everyone asked me, "Are you ready?"

I wasn't ready.
I was more ready than I ever had been.

Maybe no one is ever ready for what life throws at us. Maybe we're not supposed to be ready. The difference is whether we jump.

When you change a puppet you have to take its head off first

Christmas Eve

In honor of Avenue Q closing at SCT (and how in the world a children's theatre can do Avenue Q will have to be for another blog post) I can't help but use one of the songs as parallel to my life, to all of our lives.

For Now (the closing number) talks about how it's okay to not know what's coming next, it's okay to just be, because all of life is only for now. I love this because it reminds me that

1. The bad is only for now
So that stressful situation, the worrying over your next job, the fear of failing when you move far from home, working two full time jobs, feeling homesick, missing a loved one, every negative situation, is only for now. It will pass and you will make it through. Just keep holding on with the belief that it's all temporary and don't let it spoil the good because...

2. The good is only for now
Enjoy every single moment, for nothing is guaranteed forever. Appreciate the small beauty in nature, in people, in life. Celebrate every day of good health, every feeling of happiness, every good person in your life- love them. Life is too wonderful to waste a second of it, to miss seeing the good because you allowed your vision to be clouded by the bad.

When we accept that it's all only for now, we can be free to change as much as we want, experience as much as we need, without fear. Despite fear.

Nothing lasts
Life goes on
Full of surprises
You'll be faced with problems of all shapes and sizes
You're going to have to make a few compromises for now

And we'll accept the things we cannot avoid for now (for now)
Don't stress
Relax
Let life roll off of your backs
Except for death and paying taxes everything in life
Is only for now
(Each time you smile, it'll only last a while)
Life may be scary, but it's only temporary
Everything in life is only for now
- Avenue Q