Mountains

Having faith great enough to move a mountain...

Snow in March

As you are probably aware, Seattle is known for it's rainy, grey skies and long winters. They call a negative reaction to these winters seasonal depression. Honestly I thought it all sounded a bit silly to me when I moved here. But after experiencing a full winter in Seattle, I started to feel like I was in a rut or slump. I was always sleepy and tired no matter how much rest I had, I didn't feel like getting up and doing anything, I felt gross and defeated in many moments. I wanted to burrow under the covers and hibernate.
Seasonal depression? It's a real thing. We need the sun in our skins and I am a firm believer in that now.

In many ways this winter reflected many of my attitudes or thoughts on my personal life. I often felt defeated, wanted to burrow under blankets, and just say, "I give up." I took every theatre rejection or loss as a heavy hit in my heart.
I miss my family, I miss home, I miss the sun, I miss my family, I miss Oklahoma food, and did I mention I really miss my family?

As an actor, artist, or even just as a human being, I think it's easy for the grey winters in our lives to make us forget the good. We forget what it was like to bask in the sun and feel the peaceful warmth shining down on us from our futures. Our sky is clouded, the next steps are murky, and the lingering clouds of thoughts weigh heavily on us-

Will I make it? Am I good enough? Do others believe in me? Do I still believe in myself? Will I be happy or will I look back with regret? Am I doing the right thing, the right way?

It feels like the next steps towards our dreams feel out of reach and sight, it feels like we are trying to create a mountain out of single pebbles, one at a time. Like pressing our whole body weight on a mountain, willing it to move. Some days, it feels impossible and we are tired.

Then spring comes. The sun breaks through the clouds, the windy chill has turned into a playful breeze, and the sky has cleared. You look out into those same endless grey skies you've spent the past five or six months staring at, and you see mountains. You see a clear ocean reflecting light and bouncing hope back to you.

There are truly astonishing and beautiful sites surrounding you, and somehow six months of not seeing them made you forget they existed.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that dark times, bad days, and even artistic rejections can easily make us feel like we are alone in the dark. But the mountains didn't go away. The good things standing tall and strong and firmly grounded in your life never leave you during the winter. Keep reminding yourself of that, and someday when that sun breaks through to welcome a spring into your life, you'll be driving through all of those mountains and see with your own eyes that they are there. And they are more beautiful than you had even imagined.


"I lock the doors. And turn the key. Then I adjust the most important control on the dashboard- the radio. I adjust my seat. Fasten my seat belt. Then I check the right side mirror- check the left side. Finally, I adjust the rearview mirror. And then-- I floor it."
- Paula Vogel

 ~As always, pictures from my adventures for your enjoyment~

Baby Cora's growing up

Siena just turned five!

I finally added the rest of my unedited headshots from seven months ago to the internet.(Thank goodness I survived the traumatic bangs cut of summer 2012). Here's a peek at some.