Amberlee's Adventuring: July 2012

My life as a nanny:

For the most part every artist needs to find something to do on the side of their art to fill their time, pay the bills, and give them something challenging, rewarding, and useful to do. Apart from teaching children's theatre classes and camps and working within the education realms of theatre, my path brought me to a baby named Cora, a baby who changed everything.

When the S. family and I connected and they offered me a job in helping care for their yet to be born baby, I had no idea what I was truly getting into. And I was lost. I was unsure of what I wanted to do (apart from theatre), I was confused on what directions to take, and I was hugely stressing over wondering how I would be happy waitressing or working retail to support my love for theatre for the rest of my life. I thought I knew where my life was heading, but I really didn't have a clue.

Honestly? I wanted to give up. I was reaching for those lines of giving up. I was on the brink of letting go of every dream I ever had. I stopped caring.

Then Cora was born.

My wonderful mom and family spent more than a month telling me how important it was to fly back to Seattle and help the S. family with baby Cora. They told me that if I really wanted to give up everything else, that was fine. That if I wanted to move back home, move from Seattle, stop doing everything I had dreamed of doing, then fine. But not before I fulfilled my agreement to take care of that baby. And that her care was to be the best care in the entire world because she would be deserving of that.

So I flew back to Seattle and did just that.
And she changed my life.

I had completely stopped caring about myself or what happened to me, but the second that I held her for the first time, I cared for her more than I know how to describe in words. And she needed a lot of care- feeding, changing, playing, holding, talking, walking, rocking to sleep, and all the attention in the world. Slowly by slowly each day I was discovering something new about her personality- a smile, a look of interest, a little part of a giggle. Slowly by slowly without even noticing, I started smiling and laughing with her too.

Here was this helpless baby who couldn't do anything for herself, but somehow moved all mountains for me.

In perspective of what I pray will be a very long and happy life for Cora, my time with her has been and will be infinitely short. We might not always live in the same city. She might not hold strong memories of me other than photographs and stories from her parents and equally charming sister. But I will forever remember and keep her in my heart every day.

To some people I'm sure that the idea of being a nanny for a career doesn't seem as legitimate or professional as other careers out there. I've even heard someone call it a cop-out job for people who are afraid of or aren't skilled enough for a "real job" (what exactly IS that?). I can now tell you with all the assurance in the universe that the most important job in the entire world is caring for a child. Being a parent, a nanny, a teacher, is the only job that encompasses and trains every person for every kind of career, profession, and job out there in the world. It is the only job that changes the world in such a huge impact, whether it's positive or negative. And I can also tell you that if every child had parents (and nannies and teachers) as loving and caring and encouraging as mine and Cora's (because her parents are truly inspirational themselves) then this world would be a much different, better place to live in.

Maybe I won't ever be a world renown actress followed by paparazzi and adored by thousands. Maybe I won't ever win an Oscar or Tony award. Maybe I won't ever be rich. But I didn't become an actor for any of these things; I became an actor because I felt a positive impact from theatre and it rippled throughout my life with a fire to give that piece of hope and love to others. I have always felt that if even just one person was touched by something I was a part of, then none of it was in vain.

She didn't know what to think of her cold weather onesie

Here I have found a way to have that power of inspiration every day, on and off the stage, and to somehow manage my bills, my schedule, and my life through it. To be growing, learning, moving. To be happy.
I'm only 23 so what do really I know? But I'd like to think that I just found the definition to success.

Cora, I hope and believe that you will grow into a strong woman who believes she is capable of anything her heart desires. I hope that you have every happiness in the world, that you realize how beautiful and talented you are, and most importantly, how tremendously loved you are. If you ground yourself in these things, you will be able to soar through life with success. And when you're feeling down, or less than capable, or afraid of taking big risks, remember that at two months old you were the one who inspired me to believe in myself, to keep fighting for my dreams, and to never give up. Remember that even back when you were just a tiny helpless baby, you helped me.

-A

ps. I became picture crazy over my months with
Cora, so much that if someone stole my phone they would probably think I was a mom. I hope you enjoy my photograph journey of her from two months to seven months old. I wasn't lying when I told you she's the cutest.