Amberlee's Adventuring: 2012

Hello dear friends and welcome to fall. It's been more than three months since I wrote, and it seems like things really kicked off this summer for me and I've been a busy hoppity bird ever since.

For catching up- here's a couple of my new headshots. Krista from Love Song Photo is amazing to work with and I feel blessed to know her. I met her through a photo shoot for Twice Blushed last spring, and I have a feeling we'll be working together more in the future.

My Summer 2012:

1. I became a teacher at Studio East

Getting to teach children's theatre classes again has been amazing. Studio East is a phenomenal place full of inspirational people and I'm so honored to be a part of that. This summer I taught classes with kids from ages 4-8 years old about how to write a play and then perform their own work. It was amazing to see what kind of stories and conflicts the kids would come up with. They wrote their own script, designed their own set, created their own props and show posters, and then became the actors.

My favorite play of the summer- entirely written and performed by 5-8 year olds Daylight Missing- How the Moon and the Stars Came to Be
(A story about bravery....I cry every time I read the script)

2. Still a nanny

I spent (and still do) much of my time nannying for babies and kids of all ages. I've worked with so many families at this point that I couldn't even tell you all of their names, so I had to make a file. Of course there are, and will always be, my favorite kids to nanny. (...and my not so favorite... but more on those stories later!)

3. Me

Every day I change a little, become a little more me, in whatever way that means. This summer I had a break between shows (for the first time in years) and realized that my hair didn't need to be black for a show. So I went back to just me. And just me... is swell.

On a funnier note, I also had a traumatic bang cut experience in which the hairstylist promptly chopped off all of my bangs to the top of my forehead... let's just say that I won't be having bangs again for a very long time. It took most of the summer for them to look normal again without a headband. I called it my parallel life of Waiting for Godot, entitled Waiting for My Bangs to Grow.

These experiences taught me two silly (but very true and important) things

- Hair is EVERYTHING

- Hair will, indeed, grow back from trauma

(So can the soul)

Moving on to Fall 2012...

Two weeks ago I closed a production of A Midsummer Night's Dream through Rogue Theatrics of Seattle. I was in shock when I was offered the role of Helena. Helena is a beautiful, iconic role to play, but is traditionally played by a much taller than 5 foot woman, leaving a short actress with the role of Hermia (another beautiful role). I had never considered myself as up for Helena, but now I couldn't be more in love with the role and this opportunity at my hands. I feel so extremely blessed to put on the shoes of this complicated person so full of love and hope, anguish and self-loathing, the will to fight loyally beyond human limits, and jaded but somehow still innocent spirit. Opening night was my birthday, and I can't imagine a better way to bring in and celebrate a new year of my life. Some of the publicity pictures are below (Welcome to just a few of the many strange and unflattering facial expressions of Helena).

The more I reflected and dove into concepts and themes of Midsummer, the more I found myself diving into my own life and experiences...ahhh, don't you love how art does that to the soul?

In case you're not familiar with the script (but ohhh you should read it- It's Shakespeare!) here's a snippet of a catch up-

Four young lovers are thrust into the dark woods in pursuit of love- whether to run away from a town that banishes their love, pursue someone who is destined to be with them, find love in another's eye... It's all about believing in love. Whether it's the fairies' god-like powers or the creepy, sinister thoughts of night, each one of these lovers goes through a darkness- physically and metaphorically. They fight through a good chunk of the show for what my fellow castmates called "The marathon" (because it's long and exhausting but so pleasing to survive). Then they are magically put to sleep by Puck (a god-like fairy) where he rights all wrongs, pairs the proper lover with their other, and they all wake up in the morning restored. The past events have faded like a dream, so it was a dream.... right?

- We are all in the woods-

At some point and at many points in our lives, we are in the woods. We are in the dark- lost, afraid, alone, lonely, desperate, sad, ugly, or feeling unworthy of greatness.
We experience heartbreak, jealousy, betrayal, anger, unstable emotions. We are mortals and Lord what fools these mortals be! We can't help it. And I've learned that it's okay to be in the woods. It's okay to feel all of these things. It's okay to go through all of these things because....

-We grow stronger in the woods-

We must choose to fight. Helena comes so close to giving up in the woods, in my opinion, when she says that she is as ugly as a bear. I felt that (my) Helena was ready to die when she said that. That it was over, she didn't want to live anymore, and would accept whatever beast fate threw her way to devour her entirely into the darkness.

But if Helena gave up there would be no show. Lysander would never fall in love with her. Demetrius would never fall in love with her again. Hermia would be killed in the woods searching for Lysander. No one would make it out happy...or alive. But Helena sees Lysander on the ground and has a reason to fight again- to make sure her friend is still alive. She chooses to keep going, which taught me to...

-Hold onto your friends when in the woods-

They are there for you. Maybe they are going through a difficult time too. Maybe they are feeling just as lost as you are... OR maybe they've been slipped a potion that momentarily makes them insane and act like they are in love with you.

But whatever the reason, there are moments in the woods when we must hold onto one another. Through all the craziness and fear, we must believe that we are more than what we are just in that moment. We must believe in each other.

-We won't always be in the woods-

Morning will come. It's always darkest before the dawn, right?
We will wake up one day, the whirlwind of our past settling into dust at our feet. We will be ready to walk away and move on to the next stage of life, whatever that may be. Maybe we'll wake up next to the person we were really intended to be with in the first place. Maybe we won't. But we will wake up. The sun will come out again and we can be wiser, stronger, and braver. As a door closes so that a window can open, so the darkness of the woods shows us just how bright the daylight can be.

Whatever woods you have gone through, or whatever woods you might be traveling through now, I hope and pray that you don't lose sight of what you believe in, what is important to you, and who you are.

It is not night when I do see your face

Therefore I think I am not in the night

Nor doth this wood lack worlds of company

For you, in my respect, are all the world

Then how can it be said I am alone

When all the world is here to look on me?

-Helena

Things growing are not ripe until their season
So I, being young, till now ripe not to reason
-Lysander

We played some football in between shots

I can throw a football? ohhh yaa

My life as a nanny:

For the most part every artist needs to find something to do on the side of their art to fill their time, pay the bills, and give them something challenging, rewarding, and useful to do. Apart from teaching children's theatre classes and camps and working within the education realms of theatre, my path brought me to a baby named Cora, a baby who changed everything.

When the S. family and I connected and they offered me a job in helping care for their yet to be born baby, I had no idea what I was truly getting into. And I was lost. I was unsure of what I wanted to do (apart from theatre), I was confused on what directions to take, and I was hugely stressing over wondering how I would be happy waitressing or working retail to support my love for theatre for the rest of my life. I thought I knew where my life was heading, but I really didn't have a clue.

Honestly? I wanted to give up. I was reaching for those lines of giving up. I was on the brink of letting go of every dream I ever had. I stopped caring.

Then Cora was born.

My wonderful mom and family spent more than a month telling me how important it was to fly back to Seattle and help the S. family with baby Cora. They told me that if I really wanted to give up everything else, that was fine. That if I wanted to move back home, move from Seattle, stop doing everything I had dreamed of doing, then fine. But not before I fulfilled my agreement to take care of that baby. And that her care was to be the best care in the entire world because she would be deserving of that.

So I flew back to Seattle and did just that.
And she changed my life.

I had completely stopped caring about myself or what happened to me, but the second that I held her for the first time, I cared for her more than I know how to describe in words. And she needed a lot of care- feeding, changing, playing, holding, talking, walking, rocking to sleep, and all the attention in the world. Slowly by slowly each day I was discovering something new about her personality- a smile, a look of interest, a little part of a giggle. Slowly by slowly without even noticing, I started smiling and laughing with her too.

Here was this helpless baby who couldn't do anything for herself, but somehow moved all mountains for me.

In perspective of what I pray will be a very long and happy life for Cora, my time with her has been and will be infinitely short. We might not always live in the same city. She might not hold strong memories of me other than photographs and stories from her parents and equally charming sister. But I will forever remember and keep her in my heart every day.

To some people I'm sure that the idea of being a nanny for a career doesn't seem as legitimate or professional as other careers out there. I've even heard someone call it a cop-out job for people who are afraid of or aren't skilled enough for a "real job" (what exactly IS that?). I can now tell you with all the assurance in the universe that the most important job in the entire world is caring for a child. Being a parent, a nanny, a teacher, is the only job that encompasses and trains every person for every kind of career, profession, and job out there in the world. It is the only job that changes the world in such a huge impact, whether it's positive or negative. And I can also tell you that if every child had parents (and nannies and teachers) as loving and caring and encouraging as mine and Cora's (because her parents are truly inspirational themselves) then this world would be a much different, better place to live in.

Maybe I won't ever be a world renown actress followed by paparazzi and adored by thousands. Maybe I won't ever win an Oscar or Tony award. Maybe I won't ever be rich. But I didn't become an actor for any of these things; I became an actor because I felt a positive impact from theatre and it rippled throughout my life with a fire to give that piece of hope and love to others. I have always felt that if even just one person was touched by something I was a part of, then none of it was in vain.

She didn't know what to think of her cold weather onesie

Here I have found a way to have that power of inspiration every day, on and off the stage, and to somehow manage my bills, my schedule, and my life through it. To be growing, learning, moving. To be happy.
I'm only 23 so what do really I know? But I'd like to think that I just found the definition to success.

Cora, I hope and believe that you will grow into a strong woman who believes she is capable of anything her heart desires. I hope that you have every happiness in the world, that you realize how beautiful and talented you are, and most importantly, how tremendously loved you are. If you ground yourself in these things, you will be able to soar through life with success. And when you're feeling down, or less than capable, or afraid of taking big risks, remember that at two months old you were the one who inspired me to believe in myself, to keep fighting for my dreams, and to never give up. Remember that even back when you were just a tiny helpless baby, you helped me.

-A

ps. I became picture crazy over my months with
Cora, so much that if someone stole my phone they would probably think I was a mom. I hope you enjoy my photograph journey of her from two months to seven months old. I wasn't lying when I told you she's the cutest.